is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
