I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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