I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
