great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
