my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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