You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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