You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
