the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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