when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
