Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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