Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
