i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
