been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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