Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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