Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
