you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
