Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
