I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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