Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize