I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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