im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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