Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
