Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
