even my farts smell like vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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