I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
