It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
