i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
