these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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