at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
