Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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