Do you still have your period?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
