So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
wow bdsm is so cute
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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