Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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