Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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