ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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