dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
