the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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