You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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