Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
