i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
