Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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