High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
