here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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