We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
