I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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