The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
