Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
