next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
