Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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