It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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