i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
