she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
