Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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