Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
