we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
