Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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