His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
