He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
