we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Watching her eat just hurts me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
