No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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