Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
