Banned from zoo.
Again?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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