Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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