I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
