i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
