So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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