she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
