I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
should my penis look like a turkey
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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