the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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