I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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