Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she smelled like a LAN party
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have post one night stand depression
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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