pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
